That is exactly how the loneliness hit me this week and still is. I guess that I had already dealt with the mourning of an ideal family that would never be, a marriage/relationship that probably should have never been and the fact that I will, can, and have been a single/only parent to my daughter. I never let the loneliness in and though it sucks completely, it is a process I think I need to go through to heal.
I had been letting C fill that gap for a long while now, however, now that he has some things in his life that are pretty heavy things to deal with - he kind of needs to go through and heal with all that on his own. I think he is just that kind of person. Not to say that after some time, we may be able to get back to where we were, but I can understand the weight of trying to maintain a romantic relationship (where it is going, getting together, making time, etc) would not be ideal at the moment. I have decided that I love him enough to give him his space to deal if you will and that if he truly feels the way he says at the end of the day - it will all be good. If that changes, I don't want to lose him as a friend or have things go badly in anyway.
So all in all - even though it sucks - it is a good thing for all to feel what we need to feel on our own right now. And I definitely need to learn how to deal with lonely times. My few friends are geographically a little far, so that adds - but I need to learn to meet new people as scary as that is. The thought of a mom group scares me more than clowns at the moment but if that is what I need to do, I'll do it.
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