Hope

It has not been an easy week for me to say the least - I avoided posting about it because there were details I did/do not want to mention at the moment as well as the feelings I was having were a bit hard to put into words.

A lot of anger, hate, frustration, well I think you get the point. But last night at church, the point of the mass was to have and to live with hope and what all that means. Having and living hope means that you know you are coming from this bad place in which you want not to return but just looking forward and having hope that things will get better. Along with that, it hope means not living in despair - but focusing on living in that hope.

I am sure that time and reflection towards the end of my week helped as well as the church service but I got the best night's sleep in over a week last night and have woken this morning with a good feeling inside that I can only attribute to hope. And I am thankful.

I am also learning that through this feeling of hope and trying to live through hope - fear subsides! I may not know what exactly is going to happen in the future and that is OK, but I now have hope that it will be better than the past. I will have my Christmas/Holiday time and joy that no one can take from me or my daughter. I won't fear text messages from my ex-husband. I won't be afraid of saying what I feel to C - because honestly I have nothing to lose and everything to gain from our relationship.

So if you come across this, I hope it gives you hope. Even a small degree of it. Because I am learning that with hope, a lot of the other "bad' feelings such as fear subside.