So as I was rocking my daughter to sleep tonight and was just staring at her, I wondered does her father just not care or is he just scared. If you created a human being, and loved and cared for that baby, wouldn’t you want to go to her doctors appointment, or even ask when the next one is or last one was, how it went. Wouldn’t you want to take your full 10 hours of minimum time every other weekend to get to know her? So if the answer to all of these is no – do you just not really care or are you scared to ask about the appointments and to spend more time with her which means more time in an uncomfortable situation.
As a single or “only,” parent as someone once put it, I understand schedules, I understand burn out – but then after hours of hard work, discomfort, and sleep deprivation she smiles at me or does something she has never done before and it is worth it. She is growing, learning, living. I don’t understand how someone, especially a blood father, could not care enough or even be scared enough to not want that.
Maybe it’s true what they say about bonding or lack there of. But doesn’t bonding take time, which in turn takes effort. So does he not want to bond. Is that where the fear lies, that if he bonds he will realize more of what he is missing? Or again does he just not care to bond? Is he even capable of bonding or loving her when I am not sure that he has ever or is currently capable of loving himself.
Maybe I should just stop wondering.
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