I may have to Google this to find out if the book really exists and read it a) for fun and b) to see if it has any helpful hints – just like I read the baby books- unless it is about life and death take it with a grain of salt and know that every situation is different.
Did I think at 29 I would be divorced, have a one-month old, and be starting a relationship again to boot – no. Maybe still dating if I talked to my 22 year old self, but not dating again after a long relationship not to mention after a marriage. In the dating world I feel like I am starting over again as my 22 year old self; a bit insecure, no idea how the other side works or thinks, and just hoping things work out for the best.
However, I am wiser now because of the 7 years of aging in between and that “failed” marriage as people like to label things. So what would I say now, from my rational mind, to my 22 year old self about dating hmmmm: Try not to think about getting hurt, especially in the beginning of a relationship because you are in the beginning stupid not the end and every time you enter any kind of relationship in life you take the risk of getting hurt but also the risk of a happier ever after. Tip #2, happier ever after – ok 22 year-old self I have figured out that happily ever after may not exist, but as you go through life you will learn to be happier than you were the day before (except on those rare occasions where you just have a shit day) so focusing on happier ever after is not settling, it’s just the way life works. Tip #3, it’s life meaning it’s a journey – try to focus on the here and now (as in you have a boyfriend/relationship partner whatever) so enjoy that fact, enjoy their company while they are on this journey or leg of life with you – don’t focus on the destination, we had a destination, got there, and 6 years later are just leaving the gate all over again. Tip #4, nothing good or bad is necessarily a direct outcome of your actions; yes the cause and effect rules still apply somewhat but just because you said or did something and then something just happened to happen in close timing after that does not mean it was “your fault” or “their fault” (for the most part anyways), shit happens. Lastly, screw mom and dad; yes we always want and hope for their approval but even when we think we have it (sidebar the last 6 years) does not nessicarliy mean we did or that their “approval” counted for anything. We are adults and need to make our own decisions and mom and dad don’t necessarily have to be privy to any of those decisions.
Hopefully in the next few weeks as I learn my way through this relationship stuff again, I look back at this log frequently and say “oh yeah, good point rational self,” because we all know how irrational we can be when it comes to “thinking” about our relationships.
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